Source: Shane L. Windmeyer; Brotherhood: Gay Life in College Fraternities

            As more and more men are coming to college already out and comfortable with their sexual identity, fraternities are confronted with the decision and consequences of rushing gay members.  Some campuses now have the option of gay fraternities.  Others campuses, at the very least, have chapters that have inclusion policies and standards for bisexual or gay men.  Most colleges and universities support and try to uphold sexual orientation policies that forbid organizations, offices and programs from discriminating against individuals based on their sexual orientation.  Along with the university policies, some inter/national fraternities have begun to put sexual orientation policies into their rules and guidelines for their collegiate chapters.  However, upholding and enforcing these rules often falls back on the shoulders of the 18-22 year old men of the chapter.  Developmentally, these men may not always have the maturity level to see the value of rushing openly gay members.  What happens if a man does not have these options on his college campus or what if a gay man is interested in the “traditional” fraternity options?  There are important considerations for both the chapters and prospective gay members to consider and evaluate before making the life long commitment of membership in a fraternal organization.

            Diversity and inclusion are hot topics on today’s college campuses and it is not any different within the fraternity community.  Chapters are striving to break the “cookie cutter frat guy” image that they once had.  Chapters are also longing to be a group that values differences, embraces culture and recruits individuals based on what they can bring to the brotherhood of their organization.  Regardless of gay or straight, we need to explore why students look to become part of fraternities.  Most Greek-lettered organizations are founded on four main principles.  They include service, scholarship, leadership and friendship.

• Service – as this is becoming a larger part of high school curriculum, students are continuing to look for chances to give back to others as they enter college.  Fraternities provide already established community service and philanthropy opportunities for men.
• Scholarship – fraternities are unique groups that provide many tools to help their members be successful academically in the colligate environment.  Unlike other clubs or organizations, fraternities have national standards for academics in which they ask their members to maintain.
• Leadership – along with their in classroom requirements, men are looking for experiences to gain and build leadership skills that will be most beneficial when they enter the work force.  Greek organizations provide these necessary opportunities.
• Friendship – meeting new people, becoming a part of a brotherhood and ultimately the chance to belong to something would probably be the number one reason men join fraternal organizations.  All people want to be accepted for who they are and want a social outlet of people to hang out with whom they have similar interests.

Questions for the Openly Gay Man on Whether or Not to Rush

            Ultimately, these are the reasons we hope that men join fraternal organizations, and we also want to believe that every member will go on to have a great fraternity experience, regardless if they are gay or straight.  However, aside from the positive aspects, potential members who are gay, have to consider some other questions before joining a Greek chapter. There are a series of questions that an openly gay man should ask himself prior to joining a fraternity.  Some of these might include:

• Does this chapter seem inclusive of all minorities?
• Is the climate of the organization an accepting and comfortable one for me?
• Would I be proud to call these men “brothers?”
• Could I see myself joining this group as an openly gay man?
• Could I see myself coming out to the brothers after they have had a chance to get to know me as an individual?
• Are there other members of the organization who are currently out?
• Am I willing to confront blatant homophobic comments and derogatory behaviors?
• Would I be comfortable bringing a date of the same sex to fraternity functions?
• If asked about my sexual orientation, would I be willing to be honest, regardless of the response of the brothers?
• Does the inter/national fraternity have a sexual orientation policy?  If yes, does the local chapter abide/uphold it?
• Have there been any gay members in the chapter prior?  If so, did they have a good fraternity experience?

            Some of the pitfalls that a gay man may confront during this questioning process could include the thoughts of “how do I join a group without sexual orientation being the first thing that is questioned” or “if I don’t come out to the brothers, am I being dishonest with the chapter and myself?”  These are common concerns, but some that should be fully explored before making the commitment to Greek life.  Gay men should not make a life long decision based on “yes or no” answers to questions, as every situation will bring new things to consider.  However, the above questions will begin the thought-process and help explore the readiness of a gay man to accept a fraternity bid and all that may come along with that.

Questions to Gauge a Fraternity’s Readiness on Rushing an Openly Gay Potential Member

            There are also conversations that a fraternal organization should have prior to rushing gay members. Fraternity chapters should discuss how, as an organization, they will deal with recruiting potential members who are gay, bisexual or questioning their sexuality.   These questions should not be used to choose or not choose a gay prospective member, but used more as a tool to gauge the readiness and acceptance of gay members in the chapter.  In many cases, most campuses have sexual orientation policies in which they ask all student organizations to abide by.  It could be possible that a fraternity could risk losing their recognition status on campus if found to be in violation of university policy.  Just because an organization cannot answer “yes” to all of the following questions, does not mean that they are not ready to ask gay men to become brothers.

• Do we create an atmosphere that is supportive of differences of all brothers?
• Is our organization welcoming of all minority groups?
• Are we prepared to confront behaviors or comments that may be harassing to any minority member?
• Do we have a history of gay members?  If yes, did they have a good fraternity experience?
• Does our inter/national organization have a policy or statement on Sexual Orientation?  If yes, has the local chapter willing to fully adopt the policy?
• Does our campus have a non-discrimination policy or statement of diversity that we could be in violation of?
• Do we look for men who will be great members and uphold the ideals of our organization, regardless of sexual orientation?
• Are we prepared to have conversations with members, alumni or possible potential members who have strong opinions against asking an openly gay man to join?
• Are we prepared to support brothers who may come out as undergraduate members?
• Are we committed to learning more about sexual orientation and willing to participate in educational programs on the subject?

• Is it the reality that there are already gay men in the chapter, and if so, what can we do as a group to make them feel valued as members and not as if they need to hide who they really are from the very men they call “brothers?”

            Some pitfalls or challenges that a chapter may experience as they begin to rush gay members could include being labeled as the “gay fraternity” and possible declining support and involvement from close-minded members, alumni or other potential members.  As with any decision, the chapter must weigh the positives outcomes with the potential for negative effects.

Benefits of Rushing Openly Gay Men

            Fraternities should not be afraid to rush gay men. There are many benefits for the organization, if they are willing to diversify their membership to include gay men.  Some of these could include:

• Chapters have the opportunities to confront the unfamiliar.  They can interact with, learn from, teach and impact a minority population that they may have once closed themselves off.  By learning tolerance and understanding of this community, it will translate to acceptance of all underrepresented members.
• By adding another aspect of diversity to your organization, it may allow others to explore their own personal identity and be more comfortable preparing for life after college.
• Suicide among young men who are gay, bi-sexual or questioning is a growing issue.  Joining fraternity just may be the reason that a friend, classmate, roommate or teammate decides that life is worth living.
• If fraternities choose to become accepting and tolerant organizations, gay brothers and new members may develop a stronger pride in knowing who they are, which could result in higher self-esteem.  Otherwise, some struggles with sexual identity could lead men to depression, alcohol and drug abuse and even suicide.
• Statistics say that at least 1 in 10 people are gay.  Fraternal organizations might now have access to additional 10 % of the campus population. 
• Inclusive chapters can make a positive impact in the Greek and campus community, and hopefully will encourage others to take a stand against prejudices.
• Chapters may finally begin to live up to the standards in which there founders intended, which include accepting members for who they are, without discrimination.

Benefits to Gay Men for Joining a Fraternity

            Gay men should also not be afraid to explore the option of fraternities and all that they have to offer.  There are many aspects in which “out” men may be able to add to the organization, as well as they, in turn, can benefit of the service, leadership, scholarship and brotherhood that fraternities have strived to prefect for hundreds of years.  Other benefits could include:

• Beginning open and honest dialogues with chapter members about discrimination and what we can do to stop it.
• The membership of a gay member may encourage others in the fraternity, who may be questioning their sexuality, to feel more comfortable in exploring these feelings, rather than oppressing them due to an environment that may be not accepting.
• The ultimate benefit is having the opportunity to experience true brotherhood and friendship that is virtually unmatched in another other organization on a college campus.

Fraternity Options and Alternatives for Gay Men

            Gay men no longer have to feel as though fraternities are not a possibility for them during their college careers.  They are many Greek options for gay men today, and it truly is up to each man to decide which option they are most comfortable with.  None of these options are perfect and some may be more of a challenge than others.  But, gay men need to decide which Greek option is best for them, knowing that it may not always be an ideal situation.  Some of these options include:

Option One: If a man is not ready to come out of the closet, one option is to join a “traditional” chapter as a closeted gay man.  These members may always live with the fear of being “outed” and not accepted as a gay man in the organization.  The con for closeted members may have to play the role of a “typical fraternity man,” which may include taking women as dates to parties or feeling pressured to participate in the mocking and ridicule of other members as being “gay or a fag” in the chapter if their actions are not perceived as “manly.”  The pro is that the closeted member would not have to feel like the “token” minority of the organization. By staying closeted he may be able to have a “traditional” fraternity experience without the added stresses and conflicts that could come along with being out.

Option Two: A second option is joining a “traditional” chapter as an openly gay man, or at least until you are more comfortable with your identity.  Depending on the campus climate, as well as the fraternity climate, this can either be an accepting and welcoming experience, or one of ridicule, harassment and devastation.  This option can be a dangerous one for men to consider, but one that can have positive outcomes, which might include conversations with the brothers about tolerance and having an open mind.  A con with this option may still include harassment and lack of acceptance by members, alumni and other Greek men.  Out fraternity men may have to deal with all of the trials and tribulations that any out man has to deal with, which includes ignorance, hate, and painful joking.  However, the pros to this option would mean that the out man would not have to hide his true identity and would know that he was asked to be a member in an organization that appreciates diversity, or at least is willing to accept those that they may not be familiar with. 

Option Three: A final option would be to join Delta Lambda Phi Fraternity (DLP) or another equivalent openly gay fraternity.  DLP was founded in 1986 as a national, alternative social fraternity for gay, bisexual and progressive men to enjoy the brotherhood of fraternity life, in an accepting environment (www.deltalambdaphi.org).  Men can join this organization knowing upfront what their policies on inclusiveness and tolerance to gay members will be. The pro with this option is that men are joining a group in which members are out and accepting of all lifestyles.  They will not have to educate the members about diversity and inclusion. They are getting the “fraternity experience” without giving up any of their own identity.   The con may be that they are again segregating themselves to a community in which they most closely relate to, but which not provide the challenges and experiences to allow them to grow. Some campuses may also have “local” fraternities with a similar mission or purpose.  You can explore this option with your campus Fraternity/Sorority Advisor.

            Choosing to enter a fraternity out or not is a big decision for gay college men.  Many men have continued on to have successful fraternity experiences after coming out and being accepted by their brothers. Other men may choose the route of staying in the closet during their undergraduate years and then come out only after they have graduated from college.  They may not come out to the entire chapter, but only those few select close brothers, in which they remain in contact with after graduation.  And finally, some fraternity men, according to the Lambda 10 Project, will remain in the closet years after they leave college, even to the point of getting married and having children.

Conclusion

            The purpose of this piece is to provide a guide and some questions to start dialogue for both gay prospective fraternity men, as well as fraternity chapters.   Each group has a vested interest in exploring both sides of these issues prior to making any decisions.  The fraternities may decide that more education is needed for their members before they are able to offer a safe and accepting environment for gay members.  Out fraternity men may decide that the “traditional” fraternity experience is not worth the headache and choose an alternative organization in order to get the brotherhood they are searching for.  However, each group must come to this decision on their own, only after they have explored the different options.

            In an ideal world, all organizations would be accepting and inclusive of differences in individuals.  Our fraternities would provide the opportunities for service, scholarship, leadership and friendship to any man willing to accept membership.  They would treat each other with the dignity and respect that everyone deserves, and foster a diverse environment.  Our fraternities would remember what their founders had in mind as they created these “secret societies” to build men up, rather than tear them down.  And just hopefully, the trials and tribulations that past members may have endured with being out in a fraternity, will help to make the path easier for those to come.